Yesterday I finally got back on the bike. I didn't get permission from the Doctor but I don't see him for another week and I needed to do something. First I walked for half an hour and then I got on the bike for another half hour. It felt so good!
I wanted to run yesterday but when I tried things jiggled in places I hadn't felt before and I decided not to push it. I'm feeling really good and the incisions are healing nicely. No need to push it too far as I really want to get back training sooner rather than later.
I've been reading about Triathlon while I've had this time off from training.(If I can't train my body I may as well train my mind.) I've also been eating because it's the Season, but I will curb that in short order. I'm learning that Nutrition is the fourth sport in Triathlon. It's something that can haunt you on race day but it's very important during training(or lack there of)as well.
I'm ready to get back at the training and I want to start right now. However, I'm grateful that I can't because it's forcing me to take a hard look at my life and how I want to balance it. Training can take over your life. Especially when training for the longer distances and I am hoping to complete to half Ironman's this summer. I am also hoping this training will help me with my larger goal of finishing a Ironman in 2010.
I have three young children, a job, a partner and lots of friends. I am very blessed. However, I need to train and not sacrifice my relationships and the more I read the more I realise I have to work at balance.
BALANCE.
Balance is not something that comes easy to me. Perhaps it's my ADD or some other flaw in my personality but I'm not good at it.
However, I realise that my children are my priority. I want to model a healthy lifestyle for them. But I want to be sure that I'm not modeling a fit lifestyle and rarely around. I struggle with being a single parent and still finding time for everything. I do have support with my training, but my kids are my responsibility when they are in my care.
I have read about many athletes who get up at 5 am, 6 days a week to train before the kids are awake. [sigh...I'm tired just thinking about it ]
The thought of me waking up at 5 am everyday exhausts me. I don't think I can do it. But, I want to do an Ironman. It's NOT easy. And training for the sport isn't always easy either. It means making hard choices and adapting to obstacles. If I can't get up at 5am for 16 weeks, how am I going to ever finish an Ironman?
The simple, yet demanding act of getting up earlier each day adds more balance to my life. It's a fact. I can't fight it.
If I get up at 5 and do most of my workouts in the morning, I will have more free time to be with the kids in the evening. Besides, every other week I can take more time for training when they are at their Dad's.
I'm not looking forward to it, but that's what this sport is all about. Hard choices and consistent training.
So I say, "Bring it on!".
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!
It's Christmas day and the house is quiet as the kids are over at their Dad's for the day. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. It's been a crazy two weeks.
First I must tell you that I am healing well and wish that the Doctor would let me do more than just walk on a Treadmill. Alas, it's only been 15 days post surgery and perhaps I am pushing it a little! However I must say, it's Christmas and there is LOTS of good food everywhere. On Monday I will walk on the Treadmill for about 30 minutes and then get on the stationary bike for another 30 minutes. Good eating and lack of exercise for me equals a very unhealthy life style and contradictory to my purpose for having the surgery in the first place! So it will feel good to be doing something even if I would rather be running or swimming!
I'm adjusting to my new body as it heals. Every day the incisions heal more and I'm able to explore this new terrain. While the transformation is subtle with clothes on, without clothes I'm a different woman even with the new scars. I'm still pleased that I had the surgery and in many ways I wish that I would have done this sooner. (but I wasn't sure I was done having babies!)
My partner has been great. He's been with me every step of the way and is now helping me with the massaging of the scars.(Which I might add, is less than fun.) I think he's enjoying the transformation as well![wink]
I feel like the surgery is just the first step towards reaching my goals. There is still much work to be done. But I must admit, getting new boobs and a flat tummy is a GREAT Christmas present!
Merry Christmas!
First I must tell you that I am healing well and wish that the Doctor would let me do more than just walk on a Treadmill. Alas, it's only been 15 days post surgery and perhaps I am pushing it a little! However I must say, it's Christmas and there is LOTS of good food everywhere. On Monday I will walk on the Treadmill for about 30 minutes and then get on the stationary bike for another 30 minutes. Good eating and lack of exercise for me equals a very unhealthy life style and contradictory to my purpose for having the surgery in the first place! So it will feel good to be doing something even if I would rather be running or swimming!
I'm adjusting to my new body as it heals. Every day the incisions heal more and I'm able to explore this new terrain. While the transformation is subtle with clothes on, without clothes I'm a different woman even with the new scars. I'm still pleased that I had the surgery and in many ways I wish that I would have done this sooner. (but I wasn't sure I was done having babies!)
My partner has been great. He's been with me every step of the way and is now helping me with the massaging of the scars.(Which I might add, is less than fun.) I think he's enjoying the transformation as well![wink]
I feel like the surgery is just the first step towards reaching my goals. There is still much work to be done. But I must admit, getting new boobs and a flat tummy is a GREAT Christmas present!
Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Good News
I'm heading back to work tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it. I don't like sitting at home feeling like I'm doing nothing and this experience has confirmed it for me. As I sit resting and healing(great and good things)I see all the stuff that has to be done, like laundry and cleaning and it just about kills me that I can't do anything about it.
The unfinished projects call to me as I sit on a chair doing nothing. Well...OK. Not 'nothing' but it feels like 'nothing'. The laundry piles up and I am helpless to do much if anything about it. It's VERY frustrating! [What can I say? I like laundry. So?]
Good news is the stitches are mostly gone and there is very little bruising and swelling. I feel pretty good and I'm anxiously awaiting approval to get back on the bike and swimming. I feel like NOW the hard work begins. I feel like I need to do right by the surgery so that it's not in vain. I feel like I have to work harder than I ever have to get to where I'm going...
I want to complete an Ironman but I also want to be in the best shape of my life. Perhaps that will be my New Years resolution. To commit to a healthy lifestyle, that allows me to complete an Ironman and be the best that I can be. Sounds good to me.
The unfinished projects call to me as I sit on a chair doing nothing. Well...OK. Not 'nothing' but it feels like 'nothing'. The laundry piles up and I am helpless to do much if anything about it. It's VERY frustrating! [What can I say? I like laundry. So?]
Good news is the stitches are mostly gone and there is very little bruising and swelling. I feel pretty good and I'm anxiously awaiting approval to get back on the bike and swimming. I feel like NOW the hard work begins. I feel like I need to do right by the surgery so that it's not in vain. I feel like I have to work harder than I ever have to get to where I'm going...
I want to complete an Ironman but I also want to be in the best shape of my life. Perhaps that will be my New Years resolution. To commit to a healthy lifestyle, that allows me to complete an Ironman and be the best that I can be. Sounds good to me.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Fours Days Post Operation
It's four days post surgery and I'm starting to feel more like myself. I'm still really tired and spend most of my day sleeping in my chair but today I've been walking more and even eating!
I'm starting to hate the chair I'm sitting in. I didn't know I would be exclusively in a chair for recovery. I sat in this chair when I got home on Thursday and I haven't left since. I even sleep here. It's a Lay-z-boy recliner, and I must sleep sitting up. If anyone would have told me that I would suffer more from back pain than surgical pain I would never have believed them. But my back hurts! Thank goodness I'm getting stronger every day and I'm able to get up and walk around and change positions for a little while.
My other challenge has been my stomach. Again not in from the surgery but my appetite, or lack there of. It appears that my stomach is extremely sensitive and I haven't been able to eat much in the last four days and I've been fighting nausea hourly. Today has been the first day that I've been able to eat real food and avoid feeling sick to my stomach. I'm so relieved.
My surgical pain is relatively non-existent. I'm occasionally taking extra strength Tylenol but other than feeling tender, I feel really good.
I've learned a few things about myself during the last for days. I don't have a lot of patience and I don't do well sitting at home alone. So, I'm trying to embrace my challenges and use them to grow more. It's good for me to sit still and heal and the more patient I am with myself the faster my recovery will go.
I'm looking forward to getting the drainage tubes taken out on Tuesday and talking to the doctor to see how my healing is progressing.
I'm starting to hate the chair I'm sitting in. I didn't know I would be exclusively in a chair for recovery. I sat in this chair when I got home on Thursday and I haven't left since. I even sleep here. It's a Lay-z-boy recliner, and I must sleep sitting up. If anyone would have told me that I would suffer more from back pain than surgical pain I would never have believed them. But my back hurts! Thank goodness I'm getting stronger every day and I'm able to get up and walk around and change positions for a little while.
My other challenge has been my stomach. Again not in from the surgery but my appetite, or lack there of. It appears that my stomach is extremely sensitive and I haven't been able to eat much in the last four days and I've been fighting nausea hourly. Today has been the first day that I've been able to eat real food and avoid feeling sick to my stomach. I'm so relieved.
My surgical pain is relatively non-existent. I'm occasionally taking extra strength Tylenol but other than feeling tender, I feel really good.
I've learned a few things about myself during the last for days. I don't have a lot of patience and I don't do well sitting at home alone. So, I'm trying to embrace my challenges and use them to grow more. It's good for me to sit still and heal and the more patient I am with myself the faster my recovery will go.
I'm looking forward to getting the drainage tubes taken out on Tuesday and talking to the doctor to see how my healing is progressing.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Ice chips!
I like hospitals. I REALLY like them. I'm fascinated by all the action and the people who are there. Everyone has a story. Everyone.
I also like hospitals because they have ice chips.
Ice chips are the greatest invention. I've forgotten how much I LOVE them. When I had my babies I learned to LOVE ice chips. When you are nursing you get REALLY thirsty and they gave me ice chips and I soon discovered that there is nothing like ice chips to quench your thirst! I was sad to leave because I didn't have a fridge that made Ice chips...
I spent the majority of the day chewing on ice chips. Mmmmm...ice chips[in a Homer Simpson way]
To say I was nervous was an understatement. But it took most of the morning to get registered and ready for surgery so that helped keep me occupied.(Less time to think or worry)
Finally at noon the Doctor came to mark me.
That was a crazy experience. I had to stand naked from the waste up while he measured and marked my body to prepare for the surgery. As he was doing this I wondered if his marker was a "special" type of marker used only for this occasion? Is it antibacterial? I also wondered how many other people he used that marker on? What I remember most from that experience, besides standing naked and feeling embarrassed, was how much the marker hurt when he marked across my nipple.
Once he was done marking he said, "That is where your nipple is going to go.", and he pointed to a spot where a number of lines intersected and he had traced a rather large circle. It was pretty cool.
I like hospitals. I'm a freak I guess, but I love how they work. I'm fascinated that complete strangers show up and know who you are and where you are going. I think the system is sort of magical because it's so complex. Even when I was at admitting in the morning, I wondered how my paper work got there. How does it all happen? At a hospital you see many people walking here there and everywhere but they are all going somewhere. It's all a well oiled machine.(usually) There are people everywhere and you can't tell whose a doctor, or a nurse or a patient sometimes. I like to play a game where I guess what the person is doing there. Sometimes I try to imagine what type of procedure they are having done or I try to guess if they work there or not? It's interesting because I'm usually wrong.
I know hospitals are not always happy places. Trust me I've been there. But even when I've been at the hospital for sad occasions I am amazed and awed by it's magical abilities. Nurses appear, out of no where and doctors were suddenly present before we knew we needed them. Sure there were times when we had to wait because of an emergency but we did that without complaint because the next time WE could be the emergency.
I'm smiling. I'm breathing deep and I'm very happy that I faced my fear and had the surgery. I can't see the results yet because I'm in bandages from my waist to my neck. But I already feel lighter and happier. My self esteem has risen.
For now, I'm focused on allowing my body to heal and do what it needs to do. I'm trying to sit and breath and heal. That's my focus for the next few days and I'm feeling great so far. I spend most of the days sleeping.
And the support from my family and friends has been amazing. My partner has been so good, waiting on me hand and foot. I'm so grateful for him!
Yesterday I got some beautiful flowers from my co-workers and the card that came with it made me laugh. It said, "In loving Memory. Bye bye boobies Ha Ha...".
I also like hospitals because they have ice chips.
Ice chips are the greatest invention. I've forgotten how much I LOVE them. When I had my babies I learned to LOVE ice chips. When you are nursing you get REALLY thirsty and they gave me ice chips and I soon discovered that there is nothing like ice chips to quench your thirst! I was sad to leave because I didn't have a fridge that made Ice chips...
I spent the majority of the day chewing on ice chips. Mmmmm...ice chips[in a Homer Simpson way]
To say I was nervous was an understatement. But it took most of the morning to get registered and ready for surgery so that helped keep me occupied.(Less time to think or worry)
Finally at noon the Doctor came to mark me.
That was a crazy experience. I had to stand naked from the waste up while he measured and marked my body to prepare for the surgery. As he was doing this I wondered if his marker was a "special" type of marker used only for this occasion? Is it antibacterial? I also wondered how many other people he used that marker on? What I remember most from that experience, besides standing naked and feeling embarrassed, was how much the marker hurt when he marked across my nipple.
Once he was done marking he said, "That is where your nipple is going to go.", and he pointed to a spot where a number of lines intersected and he had traced a rather large circle. It was pretty cool.
I like hospitals. I'm a freak I guess, but I love how they work. I'm fascinated that complete strangers show up and know who you are and where you are going. I think the system is sort of magical because it's so complex. Even when I was at admitting in the morning, I wondered how my paper work got there. How does it all happen? At a hospital you see many people walking here there and everywhere but they are all going somewhere. It's all a well oiled machine.(usually) There are people everywhere and you can't tell whose a doctor, or a nurse or a patient sometimes. I like to play a game where I guess what the person is doing there. Sometimes I try to imagine what type of procedure they are having done or I try to guess if they work there or not? It's interesting because I'm usually wrong.
I know hospitals are not always happy places. Trust me I've been there. But even when I've been at the hospital for sad occasions I am amazed and awed by it's magical abilities. Nurses appear, out of no where and doctors were suddenly present before we knew we needed them. Sure there were times when we had to wait because of an emergency but we did that without complaint because the next time WE could be the emergency.
I'm smiling. I'm breathing deep and I'm very happy that I faced my fear and had the surgery. I can't see the results yet because I'm in bandages from my waist to my neck. But I already feel lighter and happier. My self esteem has risen.
For now, I'm focused on allowing my body to heal and do what it needs to do. I'm trying to sit and breath and heal. That's my focus for the next few days and I'm feeling great so far. I spend most of the days sleeping.
And the support from my family and friends has been amazing. My partner has been so good, waiting on me hand and foot. I'm so grateful for him!
Yesterday I got some beautiful flowers from my co-workers and the card that came with it made me laugh. It said, "In loving Memory. Bye bye boobies Ha Ha...".
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Facing My Fears
Tomorrow I'm having surgery.
I'm really having this surgery for myself and that's not easy to admit. I don't like to think of myself as selfish.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But this entire experience has been about facing my fears. I'm doing something outside my comfort zone. I'm doing something very powerful for me. I'm taking controll and I'm taking a risk.
I see the surgery as another step towards Ironman, as well as building self esteem and at this point in my life I'm not sure which I value more. My self esteem is always with me but I live, sleep, and breath Ironman. It's in every area of my life. Most of my friends don't realise how much it dominates me. My boyfriend does and he's very patient and kind about it, even if he doesn't understand my desire for the race.
Aside from Ironman, I feel this surgery will help me feel comfortable in my own skin again.(And ease some back pain)
Tomorrow I will face my fear and take a risk. I'm proud of myself.
I'm really having this surgery for myself and that's not easy to admit. I don't like to think of myself as selfish.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But this entire experience has been about facing my fears. I'm doing something outside my comfort zone. I'm doing something very powerful for me. I'm taking controll and I'm taking a risk.
I see the surgery as another step towards Ironman, as well as building self esteem and at this point in my life I'm not sure which I value more. My self esteem is always with me but I live, sleep, and breath Ironman. It's in every area of my life. Most of my friends don't realise how much it dominates me. My boyfriend does and he's very patient and kind about it, even if he doesn't understand my desire for the race.
Aside from Ironman, I feel this surgery will help me feel comfortable in my own skin again.(And ease some back pain)
Tomorrow I will face my fear and take a risk. I'm proud of myself.
Monday, December 8, 2008
List
I'm making a list.
Nope. Not a Christmas list.(although I should be)I don't have any Christmas shopping done yet and I'm not sure how much I'm going to get done after Wednesday?!
I'm making a list of things I will need the help recover from surgery.
Patience is at the top of the list! And I will need books, and pillows and compression socks and...so much more!(I'll spare you the details!)
There is so much to do!
I am teaching my last exercise class this morning. I enjoyed teaching but it takes up so much of my personal time away from class that I can't help but feel relieved that it's ending...
Two more days. ACK!
Nope. Not a Christmas list.(although I should be)I don't have any Christmas shopping done yet and I'm not sure how much I'm going to get done after Wednesday?!
I'm making a list of things I will need the help recover from surgery.
Patience is at the top of the list! And I will need books, and pillows and compression socks and...so much more!(I'll spare you the details!)
There is so much to do!
I am teaching my last exercise class this morning. I enjoyed teaching but it takes up so much of my personal time away from class that I can't help but feel relieved that it's ending...
Two more days. ACK!
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